My Ex Son
This morning my son texts me "pinch punch, first of the month" and he asks if we can Skype next weekend.
He is grown up now, but here is a picture of him 20 years ago. There has been an awful lot of acrimony and conflict over the years, with him but mostly with others and there is definietly a story that needs to be told about the erosion of parental roles in Western society.
Today my son lives in Christchurch, as I do. I had to beg his mother to have him back in England after the Earthquakes here, as I was unable to cope with the strained situation. e.g. His school was threatening to take me to court for his failure to attend, while other authorities threatened to take me to court for "abuse" because I had been shouting at him through a locked door to fricken-well get out of bed and go to school.
We had no water, broken sewers and liquefaction everywhere. I had more hard times yet to come from serious health problems, ongoing hostility as a result of malicious rumors, vandalism and thefts of my property, flooding and boundary issues with the landlord next door and decades of legal collusion by lawyers with my conniving siblings to defraud me of my legitimate inheritance. All this had taken me to the brink of suicide. Thus I was far from settled when he came back.
None the less, I had cleared a lot of my things into the garage so that he could have a bedroom and the living room in my home to himself. For unknown reason he decided to shift it all out on to the driveway, telling me to clear up my junk. I wasn't up to sorting it there and then, so a lot of it got damaged out in the rain and he made a big fuss about smells in the kitchen that ultimately facilitated our home being burgled.
The agreement had been that he would enrol on a course and I would support him to get some kind of higher education, but he believed he could study his own way. I can't deny he did work hard, but it wasn't focussed on getting a qualification that would lead to a career.
I was letting him use my car, but despite my protests, he and his friends would get grease all over the seats. It stained my dress and the steering wheel was slimy to the touch. He lied to his friends about where he was living. He wouldn't be seen with me in public, while other people told me how hard it must be, having a "fucking tranny" for a father... all of it tearing my own self esteem down while yet other haters spat vituperative insults and e-mails at me day after day.
My relationship with my son has been fraught with grief and conflict, most of that originated with his mother who saw him as a means to emotional and financial blackmail and a way to make herself the center of attention, as she enlisted support from third parties who never questioned her motives. She certainly never acknowledged or appreciated any of the things I had done for her. She seemed driven by a personal vendetta of vindictive malice.
It's not surprising our son developed a contrary and stubborn attitude and he just wouldn't stop when I would ask him to drop a subject. For the sake of my own sanity, in the end I gave him enough money to buy his own car and to go "flatting" for a couple of years.
Only last week I got round to scanning all my old photos (the ones that didn't get wet out on the driveway). I didn't bother optimizing the settings as the pictures are mostly just painful memories for me now. I probably would have sent some of the prints on to my boy, incase he wanted them, but I couldn't as he never did tell me his address. I presume he doesn't want me to know and to be honest, I don't actually care anymore. Thus having scanned them all, I've binned the old prints and get on with sorting out more old junk finally.
Go Your Own Way
In conclusion, no, I don't want to "Skype" you, young man. I'm well and truly sick of all the bullshit about commitment, responsibility, relatives and family. It's all a dirty lie, and everything I ever tried to contribute has been undermined, sabotaged and vilified. I understand what went on will have hurt you too, but I was never the perpetrator and what transpired wasn't my choice. It's over now and I simply don't want you in my life ever again.